In this series of blog posts I list the skills and beliefs that helped me defeat the addiction, depression, pain and symptoms of Ankylosing Spondylitis that I endured for more than a decade.
By understanding and using them appropriately, you will achieve notable progress in your own quest for relief, wellness and freedom from the challenges of life with AS.
First, let’s review.
In the last blog post (Your Most Powerful Ally) I talked about the fact that we tend to think of many of our challenges as “problems.” In truth, focusing on a “problem” most often makes it stronger, more frustrating and more insurmountable. This is because of a basic rule of human psychology: What we focus on expands, and eventually comes to dominate our lives.
As Einstein put it, “We cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it.” He meant that to produce the results we want, we’ve got to shift away from the mindset that is deeply focused on the “problem” and use that energy to focus only on a positive outcome.
In those moments when you are being brutally honest with yourself, you will discover your own tendency to think of AS as a “problem.” Perhaps you believe it to be a problem that someone else may some day resolve for you. Until that day arrives, you have a choice to make: Improve your situation, or deteriorate into more pain and suffering.
My hope is that you take the steps to improve things, like I did. The following information will help you do just that.
Here’s a recap of the steps we reviewed in the last blog post:
Let Go of Frustration with Yourself and Your Life
- Change your perception to understand that any “problem” is an opportunity in disguise.
- Channel your discontent into an immediate positive action—do some online research to find answers, or read that inspirational book on your shelf.
- Use meditation or yoga to bring you into the present moment instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.
- Make a list of your accomplishments—even the small ones—and add to it daily. You’ll have to let go of a little discontentment to make space for this self-satisfaction.
- Visualize a box in your head labeled “Expectations.” Whenever you start dwelling on how things should be or should have been, mentally shelve those thoughts in this box.
- Engage in physical activity every day. Exercise decreases stress and increases endorphins, chemicals that improve your state of mind and body.
- Focus all your energy on what you can control, instead of dwelling on what you can’t.
- Express your feelings through a creative outlet, like blogging or painting. Add this to your to-do list and cross it off when you’re done. This will be a visual reminder that you have actively chosen to release these bad feelings.
Now, Part Two of the process:
Let Go of Anger and Bitterness
- Feel it fully. If you stifle your feelings, they may leak out and affect those around you. Before you can let go of any emotion you have to feel it fully.
- Give yourself a rant window; take ten minutes a day to let it all out. This may diffuse the hostility and give you more time to focus on the positive.
- Remind yourself that anger hurts you more than AS does; visualize anger and resentment melting away as an act of kindness to yourself.
- Communicate how you feel. Find someone you trust to talk to. Keep in mind that you can’t control how others respond; you can only control how clearly and kindly you express yourself.
- Take responsibility. Many times when you’re angry, you focus on what is wrong—which essentially gives away your power. When you focus on what you can do, you often feel empowered and less bitter.
- Practice compassion for others. We all make mistakes; compassion dissolves anger.
- Wear a rubber band on your wrist, and gently flick it when you start obsessing on angry thoughts or resentment. This trains your mind to associate that type of persistent negativity with something unpleasant.
- Remind yourself these are your only two options: accept it, or change it. Acceptance creates happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.
Select the items that make the most sense to you, and put them into action right away. You’ll soon discover that you really are stronger and more capable than you knew.
Peter